We are in 2022! We are in the third month of the year! Honestly, it’s been a slow start for me. Because of this, I’ve been making sure to enjoy the moments in my life and prepare for the future.
By now, you know I’m expecting! I am literally living in an answered prayer and recognizing God’s unlimited love. This part of my life is a symbol of a new life for me, the baby, and my family. I do not like to complain and I love my privacy, but transparency is big for me. I want you to know my sole intent is to grow through what I go through and provide purpose. Maybe snippets of my story will help you.
So, let’s talk about it!
Is this a Marathon?
To my belief, I go through more seasons of endurance. Endure this, endure that, I was starting to think should I just drink the “Kool-Aid”. Just so you know, endurance is the act or an instance of enduring or suffering endurance of many hardships; especially : the ability to sustain a prolonged stressful effort or activity. For example, a marathon runner’s endurance. Most marathon runners train for 6 months to reduce the risk of burnout, injury, or prepare for the condition of their body to build endurance.
Dating? Should I endure or drink the Kool-Aid? Firstly, people were trying to sabotage my newfound love and privacy. There was my husband’s aunt who made our life about her, his ex who didn’t entirely move on (posting subliminally and talking about me with the said aunt: I’ll talk about word curses and how people rally together in hate against you in another post!), an “acquaintance who missed her friend,” and my partner who felt like all of this would go away. Secondly, my engagement and wedding process? I tolerated excuses, lies, and slander and pushed through. Lastly, becoming the administrator for my dad’s estate? You guessed it: more tolerance, endurance, and plenty of dark moments. Is this a marathon? I did not sign up for this! In truth, with all of these moments, I thought I’d have an episode of insanity; however, it was seemingly a race. Let’s be clear: THIS IS NOT ABOUT PEOPLE PLEASING BUT RESPONDING WELL, GOING THROUGH THE STORM / PROCESS, AND KEEPING YOUR FOCUS.
Is it Me? Am I the Drama?
After that, questions began to surface, like, “Was it me? Am I the drama?” Similarly, questions like, “God, where are you?” He needed to be reminded when He said, “He’d never leave nor forsake me.” Moreover, half the time, I wondered, “Did I do something wrong?” “Am I being punished?” “Did I “sin” somewhere”? “Is this spiritual warfare?” “Oh, God, did I sow erroneously in one season, and now I’m reaping?”. Maybe it was rebellion, disobedience, refining, maybe a wake-up call. Maybe, just maybe, life. Perhaps it was a test. (During trials, always respond well! For we wrestle not against flesh and blood. When the enemy wants to break us, God is building us.)
Hopefully, I do not sound depressing or convey that I want sympathy because I don’t, however, life isn’t always glittering gold. Above all, there will be seasons when you do not know what in the world is going on when you’ve done all you could do.
Resolve
In the past, I’d make my own decisions and confront everything or get in God’s way. For that reason, I learned the meaning of not leaning on my own understanding. In other words, as a woman of faith, I prayed and sought God. Immediately, I went to my room and let God have it. I began to talk to God and seek Him for answers. I cried, laughed, asked questions, and complained. That’s all I knew how to do.
God began to show me different perspectives and His redemptive plan for restoration, mercy, forgiveness, and faithfulness. As I began to look at things for what they were, examining myself, life, focusing, and stop looking people to show up or see me, apologize, etc., I developed resolve and the faith behind all of this.
As a result, I studied and read about multiple accounts of endurance or otherwise. So that you know, it’s not His intention or goal to leave any of us stuck in despair.
Ashes
In my daily talks I sat and listened, because clearly, my tears and pain had to mean something. What seemed like forever was softly imprinted on my heart, I heard the phrase “beauty for ashes”. What did this mean? In the Bible, ashes were a symbol of grief, lowliness, and repentance. If you ever experienced loss, hard times, grief, back-to-back attack, or dark moments, surely you have ashes that can be exchanged for beauty.
Job a man devoted to God lost everything. His wife and his children. His wealth, I mean everything. What he did not know was that God allowed this to happen because Satan believed Job was going to curse God and only served God because of the material things he had. Read over Job. Although being a man of God, we see the wallowing effect, but Job knew God wouldn’t leave him there. After blaming himself for his demise, friends came at him with their opinions about why the events were happening, and after God corrected him, God restored everything he lost and gave him more.
Have you read 2 Samuel 13:19? Tamar was betrayed and raped while being left to pick up the pieces to what seemed to be a shattered life alone, but God was the lifter of her head. What about Joseph and his brothers? Or the ultimate journey of Jesus?
Like some of the characters, I’ve had to cope with my experiences being invalidated, being the scapegoat, villainized, tolerating things, or other.
Isaiah 61
Isaiah declared the year of the Lord’s favor after Israel returned from exile from Babylon. They couldn’t keep their side of the covenant made. This is a reminder that God is faithful and covenant keeping! He kept his side, and he proclaimed his favor and saving grace to restore. Isaiah 61 is a promise! He will give us a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. He loves justice and hates wrongdoings! He’s our great defender.
Things may not play out how you thought they were, but He’s got this! There is healing and restoration after all. This lets me know, I wasn’t going to deal with the uncertainty, the pain forever. God loves us too much to leave us. You and I may not be returning from Babylon; however, we are returning from something. While many of us deal or have dealt with loss, uncertainty, trauma, or even, mental illness, we will recover all.
Beauty for Ashes
What many people did not see or know is the in-between – the fluff, the heartache, the pain, the loneliness, the betrayal, and the ugliness that was endured. It should be noted, I had to make a choice to trade all of my sorrow for a divine exchange. Slowly but surely, God began to do work in me and around me. No more mourning. I received joy, unspeakable joy. My days of hardship were taken from me. Subsequently, I’m able to provide grace when I stand overwhelmed because, not only am I freer but who am I hoard my newfound blessings?
Isaiah 61 says, “God will give us a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning for the display of His splendor”. Verse 7, “Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace, you will rejoice in your inheritance”. I have a family of my own now. A inherited family who has accepted me as their own. I laugh more and I’m at peace! It’s not about having a spouse, it’s not about material things, it’s not even about my own comfort. It’s about God’s faithfulness and promise! This is nothing like how I started 14 years ago and some moments have been instantaneous! That’s what’s important to me. I see and can receive the tangible blessings of the Lord. There may be things in life that may feel like a whirlwind or somber, but you won’t be left there.
Let’s Pray
If you are going through a hard time, it’s not easy for me to say “Hang in There” so I’ll offer my prayer to you.
Father,
You are God and God alone. You know the plans you have for me. Plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. I bless you because even when I don’t have it figured it, you do. I thank you that you see me and know my name. God, you are a deliverer and restorer. Restore my mind, my heart, and soul to you. Please forgive me for my trespasses and any sin in my life. I pray that amid trial, uncertainty, and weakness that you you’re your peace and strength. Father, let your Spirit shine within me so that when I walk I will fear no evil and that light is shed in the darkness. It’s not about me, so Father get the glory and let people recognize your power working on my behalf. I know that all things work to the good of them that love you and you will turn my life around. Father, I ask for an exchange. Lord, instead of mourning, exchange it for the oil of joy; instead of a spirit of despair, a garment of praise; instead of ashes, a crown of beauty. I give you thanks in advance for all that you have done and going to do. I thank you that you will never leave me nor forsake me. The victory belongs to Jesus and I’m grateful that it also belongs to me. Thank you for working all things out and for your neverending love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Xoxo, With much love! I pray this has encouraged you!
