“I’m emotional
And I can’t let go
I am trying to hold on to you
Though it hurts me so
Gotta let you know
That the love we once shared now is through
Say goodbye to you”
-Carl Thomas, Emotional
These lyrics popped into my head when I began to let go of things I was holding on to and felt burdened by. When I hold on to something, it’s always because I care about it a lot, maybe a little too much. I hold on to the memories, the good times, the love that was there, the “obligation,” my attachment to the outcome, people, the investment, and so forth.
After going through some things that have impacted my life negatively, admittedly, I held on and held on tight! Let’s forget all of the blessings, right? I’m going to forget all the great things going on and how far I’ve come. Forget that my prayers have been answered. Forget it all! I know, like you, in life we are always having moments of something. There will always be a moment: good or bad!
Moment of Truth
I get stuck, sometimes, in the bad moments. I can fester, and fester, and fester on a moment while analyzing it from every angle, plain ‘ol overthinking. Being the scapegoat in familial relationships, I know that comes from internalizing things and trying to fix ‘it’. You know, to make ‘it’ good again? To restore ‘it’ back to how it was? Maybe eradicate myself from taking on the blame and guilt of letting myself down or defending myself? To feel ok, maybe?
Sometimes, for me, a bad moment feels like when I go to the doctor to get a shot or blood drawn and I freak out but the doctor points out, “YoU HavE taTToos, why are you aFraID of nEEdLes?” At this moment, I’ll laugh, give my doctor the side-eye, look away, and get it over with because even this is a reminder that, “I’ve been through this before and what seems like forever, is only a short moment even if I don’t like it, it’s not the end of the world, at least. I’m still here, right?”
What do you do when things are that bad? You can’t fix it? When do you realize you can’t save anything or anyone? Or when it feels like the end of the world?
You go to your secret lair and make an atomic bomb, you plant it, press the button, and watch the world go up in flames! That’s what you do! *Insert Dr. Evil pinky* Wishful thinking. Ok, in reality, you practice acceptance. You acknowledge what’s going on, and you let it go.
It was hard doing this, but I had to make a choice…
Letting go was huge a life relief! I let go of toxic one-sided relationships, hurts, experiences, and anything or anyone that was detrimental to my emotional and mental health. It was like a liquidation sale: EVERYTHING MUST GO! Honestly, this took time! I’ve gone through the impact and now I’m embracing the joys of life and picking those blessings right back up! I had to make a choice. You can turn anything around; God can turn anything around.
You will get through it!
Letting go is freeing and healing. If you are carrying too much, how will you have room to receive? You can let go of bad habits that stunt your growth and purpose. The old thinking that immobilizes you from success. A job or person that causes you stress, letting go of guilt and shame from having high expectations for outcomes. It may seem like grieving or erroneous at the time but gracefully go through the process. You will get through it because you have what it takes. Do not become like the things or people that you are holding on to. You are not your circumstances, or what people say, assume, or think about you. You, at times, aren’t even what you think about yourself.
Let me say this, life is amazing! You have to live it! Live it intentionally and freely! Here are some steps I took to learn to let go!
- Take a deep breath and acknowledge the moment aka FEEL! Evaluate. Am I in control of what’s happening? What emotions did I feel? What am I thinking about? What is my contribution to what’s happening? To be effective in evaluating what’s happening or happened, I journal my thoughts and feelings. I pray and give it to God. I check my responsibility and accountability to see if they are properly aligned with my beliefs and who I am. I also had to feel because if I hadn’t, there would have been a possibility that I’d misplace my emotions on another and becoming the very thing that hurt me.
- Be kind to yourself and Realize no one is going to save you! As painful as it is, if a person has hurt you, you may have to accept that you will not get an apology, changed behavior, or even reconciliation. So don’t stop your life, thinking they will. If you want to heal and move forward, give yourself grace, love, care, and save yourself. (Jesus already died for you. You do not have to crucify yourself or have others do it!)
- Decide. Decide to let go and stand by it. Accept what you can control, accept yourself, accept what happened… and make sure to have proper boundaries set in place. If you have to let a person go, so be it. If you have to let an expectation go, so be it. It’ll come back around if it’s meant to be. You’ll hopefully be wiser and more patient when it looks you in the face. You’ll have to decide to detach.
- Forgive. Something I used to get wrong: forgiveness does not mean re-connection and automatic trust! Provide mercy and grace. Mercy is not receiving what you deserve (think of forgiveness from lethal consequences). Grace is receiving what you don’t deserve (think of love and redemption in place of those consequences). Forgiving does not mean one has to be a part of your life. Forgiving yourself or someone is a pardon from their past actions against you and removing yourself from bitterness, wrath, resentfulness, and retaliation. Give mercy, not to make them ‘feel good’, it’s for you. If God can forgive me, I can forgive others and keep it moving. IF by chance, reconciliation and restoration happens, have an open and honest conversation free of judgment, blame, and shame. Be prepared to speak if you must or just listen. Either way, set expectations for going forward. Forgiveness is freely given; however, TRUST IS EARNED.
- Be present! Remember, I said I let go of things that were detrimental to my emotional and mental health. Apart from forgiveness is not dwelling on the past. Be present. What is happening now? If you are currently being affected by what you are letting go of, practice detachment. If this is out of your control, have faith and be patient. Do not let this moment take over the well-being of your life. Practice mindfulness!
- Who is for you? Surround yourself with people who love you! I have faith in Jesus and honor and love those who love me (my husband, my friends, etc.,) As alone as I felt, I know life wasn’t intended to go through alone. I shifted my focus on who genuinely loved me. I also shifted my perspective that I was alone.
- Seek Help! Often times, I felt silenced and ashamed to talk about things. I did not want to expose anyone or come from a place of bitterness (because I was bitter and resentful); however, I had to talk to someone! Seek therapy or a TRUSTED person who will allow you the space to talk and express yourself.
Scriptural Reference that I Meditate On:
Ephesians 4:31-32 – Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Isaiah 43:18-19 Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths
Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
Ephesians 4:26 – Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
Romans 5: 3-5 Not only so, but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
